Small government. Big trucks. Two-ply. From a peninsula on Lake Livingston to the Resolute Desk — it's time somebody in Washington knew how to season a cast iron skillet.
Zachary Davies serves the City of Onalaska, Texas — population 3,020, a peninsula poking into Lake Livingston about ninety miles north of Houston — as an At-Large member of its City Council. In May of 2025, the people returned him to office with one hundred and seventy-five votes.
One hundred and seventy-five. He knows most of them by name. He has been in several of their kitchens. Try naming one hundred and seventy-five people who would vouch for you. Take your time. The campaign will wait.
He has been a licensed realtor since 2014, which makes him the only man in the 2028 field qualified to walk into this country — three point eight million square miles of it, some deferred maintenance, incredible bones — and see the potential. Others will tell you America is broken. Zachary Davies will tell you America is priced to move.
He fought for the Onalaska Police Department and got them a thirty-eight percent raise. Not a study. Not a task force. A raise. Ask them.
He is undefeated in every race he has won.
He is not a career politician. He is a man who returns his shopping cart, tips in cash, and knows which Costco aisle the rotisserie chicken is in without checking the sign, because he respects the institution. He is running for President in 2028 because somebody has to, and everybody else was busy.
Twelve planks. No focus groups. No consultants. Each one personally workshopped in a driveway at dusk by a man holding exactly one beer.
The federal government has no business between a man and his Traeger. Day One executive order protecting your right to cook a hot dog however you want — including badly.
The entire foreign policy. He's been closing deals since 2014. He has never once walked away from a table, though he has absolutely walked toward one while saying "now, what would it take to get you into this today?"
Onalaska has no airport. Lake Livingston has eighty-three thousand acres. The math, frankly, does itself. Bring a towel.
The Second Amendment protects your right to bear arms. The Davies Amendment protects your right to bare knees — nine pockets, year-round, at church.
Small government starts with Washington keeping its hands off my clock. Nobody voted for this. Zachary checked. Twice a year, and he is still furious.
Both parties agree on this. Both parties have done nothing about it for fifty-nine years. Zachary will simply do the thing.
Chick-fil-A observes the Sabbath and so shall the Republic. Some things are sacred. He will not be taking questions on this one.
A balanced budget in Washington. Absolutely unhinged, unaccountable spending at Costco. Both of these things can be true and in this house they are.
No group text shall outlive the event it was created for. The lake trip was in 2019. It is time. Let it go. Let us all go.
Peace through superior edging. When our allies see those stripes — and when our adversaries see those stripes — they will respect us again.
Be kind, rewind. Also just be kind in general. He's not certain that's federal policy. He's putting it on the list anyway.
A nation that buys the cheap stuff to save eleven cents a roll is a nation that has forgotten who it is. This is the whole platform, really. The rest is detail.
Every great presidency rests on a governing philosophy. His was assembled entirely in a driveway, delivered over one shoulder, and has not been revised since roughly 1987.
The candidate, mid-doctrine
"He walked to school. Uphill. Both ways. In the snow. In Texas — where it does not snow. The campaign stands by this account and considers the matter closed."
"Close that door. What, were you raised in a barn? We are not air conditioning the entire neighborhood."
"Money does not grow on trees. And before you ask — no. And before you ask again — still no."
"And if everybody else jumped off a bridge, would you jump too? Well? Would you?"
"We drank out of the garden hose and we turned out just fine."
"I am not asleep. I am resting my eyes. I heard every word of that."
"Because I said so, that's why."
"Don't make me turn this car around. I will turn it around. Try me."
"Oh, you want something to cry about? Keep it up. I'll give you something to cry about."
The smears are flying. The Davies campaign sets the record straight.
"Zachary Davies once returned a shopping cart to the wrong corral."
False He returned it to the correct corral. In the rain. On his birthday."Councilman Davies once let a listing go stale."
False It moved in nine days. There were three offers. He does not wish to discuss the other two."Davies ran a leaf blower before 8:00 in the morning."
Misleading It was 8:04. The record is clear. The campaign considers this matter closed."Davies has never once grilled a burger to medium-rare."
True He grills to "done," like a patriot. You will eat it and you will say thank you."Davies said 'welp' and stood up before the conversation was over."
True The conversation was over. He was simply the only man in the room brave enough to say so."Davies is related to Zachary Taylor, 12th President of the United States."
Unsubstantiated The campaign has not confirmed this and will not be issuing a denial at this time.
The candidate, moments after saying "welp"
A broad and frankly unstoppable alliance of Americans, animals, and one hot dog.
That's my son.His MotherLifelong registered voter
[extended screeching]A Bald EagleSpeaking on background
All one hundred and seventy-five of us can't be wrong.The 175Onalaska, Texas
He's been in my kitchen. Twice. Never once called ahead.A ConstituentPolk County
Great bones. Motivated seller. Needs a little work. I can move it by spring.Zachary DaviesDescribing the United States
One dollar fifty since 1985. Davies gets it. Davies has always gotten it.The Costco Hot DogFellow fiscal conservative
He has never once asked me to move my truck.DaleNeighbor, four years
Seven of our nine members are on board. We're working on Kevin.The Group ChatEst. 2019, lake trip
woofEvery Dog Within Four MilesUnanimous
He's not in a hurry. He's got time. He's got a smoker going.
Every purchase directly supports the campaign's number one expense, which is charcoal.
Structured crown. Curved brim, pre-broken by hand. Made in a country he will name at a later date.
He has put a great many signs in a great many yards. He is very good at it. Comes with one (1) neighbor who now quietly hates you.
Keeps it cold. Keeps it patriotic. Keeps it from sweating all over the deck rail you just stained.
Nine pockets. Not one of them fits your phone. The campaign is aware and considers this a feature.
Marine-grade adhesive. Will outlast the truck. Will outlast the campaign. May outlast the Republic.
Seasoned since 2009. Not for sale. Do not put it in the dishwasher. Do not put it in water. Do not look directly at it.
Grassroots. Small-dollar. No billionaires, no super PACs, no strings — just a man, a dream, and a propane budget.
The average Davies donation is $6 and a firm handshake.